I have always been a strong catholic, but since the death of my dad, I have become more in touch with my spiritual side. I have talked to God more than ever, and believed in him more than ever. I was thinking this weekend about God and my dad’s suicide and how this could have happened. I realized an important point. There is no doubt that there is evil in this world, but in light of all of that evil, there is so much good through Him. I wondered why so many people fear God. I could never imagine fearing our savior. I understand when someone says “she’s a God-fearing woman”, but I guess I don’t always see it that way. To me:
God is love. God is happiness. God is patience. God is safe.
God chooses to forgive when we are unworthy, and above all he saves us. I believe that Satan took my dad’s life away. You could tell me that I am wrong, but frankly, I don’t care. This is what I know and believe. Sometimes I wonder how God couldn’t have saved his life. Wasn’t there something he could have done? I find myself asking this question often. But I then realized, God may have allowed for my dad’s physical life to end, but he granted him the gift of eternal life. God knew the battle my dad was facing, and there was no more devout catholic than my father in his final days. No one prayed more. No one believed more. No one begged for answers more than he did. God could not save his life, but he could save his soul, and he did.
It is because of this that I could never imagine being in fear of God. The amount of comfort and healing he has brought me over the last nine months in unparalleled to anything that could done by an unloving God.
So, despite the evil and tragedy in this world, I choose to believe that God is the greatest love we could ever have. Despite the end of my dad’s earthly life, I choose to believe that God is good always, and always God is good. I have learned that with him, eternal life is possible, healing is possible, and having faith is possible.