In the Moment

I have now been in Italy for officially one week. Although the first two days seemed like they would never end, the last 5 have flown by.

Life is so incredibly unpredictable and I’m learning that no one hands you a guide.

No one told me when I would come to Italy that I would end up in a small village with around 2,000 people and only a few businesses to walk to.

I’m learning our expectations are not always our realities.

Since the passing of my dad, I have rarely put myself out there. If you would have asked me this question 2 weeks ago, I would’ve had a different answer. It may have taken about 48 hour to adjust, but this first week has already been the most eye opening experience of my life. I’ve had to come face to face with some of my biggest fears, and if living in a different country doesn’t open your eyes, that will.

I’ve had to face a number of feelings about my dad’s suicide that, because I was always surrounded by loved ones, I have yet to face in the last 10 months. The majority of these emotions have been deeper and darker than most, but in the end some of the most beneficial feelings.

When tragedy happens to you or your family, there is no predicting what is to come. There is no instruction manual or timeline. There is no certain way you are suppose to feel. No one can tell you that what you feel is right or wrong.

For the longest time, I denied  my emotions. I didn’t want to face them. I pretended that, at all times, everything was fine.

In the last week, I have been learning to embrace all of my feelings; good and bad. I’ve lost all control and cried in front of, at the time, strangers. I’ve learned to connect with people and form relationships based on 7 days of knowing people.

The biggest thing I’m learning, other than the fact that the Veneto region of Italy has the best Prosecco in the world, is that life’s about finding yourself. It’s about embracing who you are; good and bad. It’s about not judging others and just living for the experience.

So, the next time you feel like you’ve put yourself out there in life, it might be worth it to ask yourself if you’ve lived your life to the fullest, because as I have, unfortunately, known life doesn’t go on forever.

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